Spam - An open letter
Dear Mr Spammer.
(Yes, I know, not exactly politically correct as I’m sure there are some female spammers out there but I don’t care - this feels like little boys knocking on my virtual door and then running away giggling like immature idiots.)
No thank you, I don’t want a loan. Yes, I know you don’t care about my credit rating. I still don’t want one. No, I won’t want one in 5 or 10 minutes either. Or tomorrow, or at 1am.
You know what? You got something right, my penis is very small. Actually, being female it’s so small it doesn’t exist. A bit like your brain. As a direct result of this quirk of my anatomy, I won’t be needing any viagra, cialis or any related or mis-spelled version thereof. And no, I don’t care that yours is the cheapest, available without prescription, from Canada or whatever. I’m feeling ill at the images in your emails too.
I’m not obese either. So I won’t be wanting any hoodia or any other slimming pill.
I don’t give a (insert expletive of choice here) if someone is hacking into an account at the Bank of Scotland, Bank of America, Bank of bloody outer Mongolia. I don’t have an account with you. Oh and while we’re on the subject, I know exactly what a paypal or ebay email looks like, I know they spell things correctly and they will never, ever ask for my log in details.
How stupid do you think people are?
